So this week's Thursday's thought is about people pleasing.
Do you struggle to say no?
Do you find it difficult to have boundaries in place?
Or do you just simply want to keep the peace and the happiness with people?
Even if this is at a detriment to yourself and your own goals and your own wishes?
It can be all too common to just say yes and then think afterwards "why did I say that?" or feel guilty for saying no or actually to believe you're the only person that is suitable to do that job or to help that person and if you don't who will.
Actually the reason that we look to do these things is to seek external approval rather than internal approval. Having that acceptance, that approval, that love and looking for that externally come from a childhood pattern.
It's common for many of us do this, I myself ran a pattern of wanting to people please and when I was working and setting up my own business, I was also investing in properties. Yet when friends asked me to help them, I would drop my own stuff and go and help them.
I had the view and the belief that their need is greater than mine.
But actually it can lead to feelings of frustration, and then where is that actually coming from? Am I having it from a place of love or am I feeling like it is my duty to do so?
So just take the time to observe where you are people-pleasing, is the first step. Just notice where you do it, who you do it with, is it a pattern you run?
And then if it's something you're wishing to change, start saying no in what feels manageable to you. Start with smaller things and and then build on that.
From there again just notice that the assumptions that maybe you're making that if I say no, then somebody will react a certain way or it isn't possibly anybody else that could help. Notice those assumptions and where your mind is running away with you and just to ask how much of that is fact?
Ask yourself if I wasn't here, if I was on holiday, if I couldn't help for some reason what would the outcome be?
So just notice and perhaps make those first few steps and see how you feel.
Owner of Pura Vida Living,
A well-being company with the mission to keep well-being simple and accessible to everybody.